Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
