i just wanna soil my oats bro
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
