So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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