I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
