Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Someone signed my nipple.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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