I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
