last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
