There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
