is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
