These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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