Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
