stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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