have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
