we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
