It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
