Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
