now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
