i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
