moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
