i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
