i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
