It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
