So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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