He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
