That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
