My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
