The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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