watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize