Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
