I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Randomize
