a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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