He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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