Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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