She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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