I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize