Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize