actually, I'm a sock model
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
