hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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