sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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