Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
