I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
