he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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