your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
