I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
