so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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