Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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