I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize