Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
