I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize