Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
