i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
