Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
