my vag is so smooth its legendary
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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