She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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