just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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