we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
