i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
