I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
