you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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