If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
me + whiskey = a bad person
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
