you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
