cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
