when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize