I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
