Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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